All that is found in death is regression
Looking at photographs of the grave that dons my name forces me to recall the loss of those closest to me. As I drift back into the same physical world but on a different plane, the image that displays itself before me contains only two words: beloved daughter. Was I really that, or was I something to fear, to hate, to blame? Beloved meaning so much, but nothing at all. The grave near mine displays: beloved father and grandfather. I've never met William Broham in the physical world. How am I supposed to know that what is displayed is who he truly was? William could have been a Mohandus Ghandi or a Charles Manson. Those three words do not describe him, but merely shed light on one aspect of his life. As I watch people walk past my grave, trying to find their "loved" ones, I realize that my existence is only prolonged by the memories people keep of me. I was remembered for a while, but now as I look onto my grave and see weeds growing over my headstone, barely able to make out those two words now, everything that I did in this physical world seems so insignificant. I would have loved for my gravestone to have been blank, because words cannot define a person, all they do is confine them. When you die, what do you want those few words to say about you?
Haiku time, I don't have a title
Pondering present
Looking for glimpses of life
Everthing done
"When you die, what do you want those few words to say about you?"
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I think the strongest element of this poem is its imagery and the concrete thoughts that were put into it. Though it is a concrete idea, I do think that you could improve this poem by adding some abstract language that contains less personal dialogue. For example in the last line, “When you die, what do you want those few words to say about you?” I feel like the question is of a contrasting tone in comparison to the rest of the poem. Though I definitely like it there, it just seems a bit out of place due to how it is worded. I’m predominantly a prose writer, so it’s definitely difficult for me to write poetry without using superfluous words and descriptions and concrete language. Language is definitely something I have to work on, too. But I do like the perspective you present in this poem. Great job!
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